this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
