She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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