I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
