i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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