Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
