I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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