my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
