Farmville is her only friend.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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