Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
