margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
