State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
