They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
