You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
