Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
