No awkward lesbian experiences without me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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