Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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