I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
