I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
