I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
