i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
