I heard we made out
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
