I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
