Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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