I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
