"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
