if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
