I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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