4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
BRING THE BAGELS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
