I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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