Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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