so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just found a bag of teeth...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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