i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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