ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
