well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
