I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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