We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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