So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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