the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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