Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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