And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
