You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
