Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
