you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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