it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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