butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
