Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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