: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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