so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
