I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
