i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
