craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
