I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
