He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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